February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. Why is this important? Because about 1in 3 high school students have been or will be involved in an abusive relationship, 40% of teenage girls ages 14-17 say they know someone their age that has been hit or abused physically by their partner, 1 in 5 or 20% of dating couples reports some violence in their relationship and approximately 1 in 3 high school and college students experience sexual, physical, verbal or emotional violence in a dating relationship.
Teen dating violence does follow most of the same trends as domestic violence. It brings unique challenges as teens are just learning and familiarizing themselves with relationships while preparing themselves for adulthood. During the teen years, teens are tasked with many things that can be hindered if they are in a relationship where there is violence. One of the essential things to achieve during adolescence is the acceptance of ourselves and our body image. This is hard to do when constantly receiving negative messages about their weight, appearance, dress, and intelligence. These messages are believed and can create self-hatred instead of self-love. During this time, teens are developing their values. However, when told what to do, how to think, and who to spend time with, the individual may extend into the person their partner wants them to be and not who they want to be. Preparing for the future is a critical task during adolescence. When in a relationship where violence is present, they may be prevented from pursuing interests outside the relationship. They may be pressured not to attend the college they have always wanted to attend or not to attend college at all. During the teen years, when they are establishing independence from their parents, this can cause forced dependency on their partner. This can make it more challenging to seek help from parents, especially when paired with the fact that their parents might want them to end the relationship if they knew it was abusive.
Because teens have limited experience with relationships and do not always have the knowledge of healthy relationships, they are more vulnerable to finding themselves in abusive relationships. There are many parts in the ties that keep people in them. Jealousy is masked by love, and many teens may find it flattering when their partner displays jealousy. A common belief for teens is that they should never be in a violent relationship. The truth is that by the time the relationship gets overtly violent, there is already a solid emotional bond. The idea of “throwing away all the good parts of the relationship” based on “one small, isolated event” seems unreasonable and undesirable.
How can we do our part to shine a light on Teen Dating violence and spread the word this month as well as in the months that follow? Here are some ideas: wear orange, complete the respect challenge, and seek out information to share.
