How To Practice Self-Care

self care

Self-care is more than just doing things for yourself; it is actively protecting your well-being and happiness. Practicing self-care brings many benefits to our lives and improves physical and emotional well-being. Self-care can foster resiliency as it is vital for building resiliency towards the everyday stressors we cannot eliminate. As a result, self-care helps us cope and manage the stress in our lives, which helps fight burnout and adds to life expectancy. 

There are some different types of self-care: physical, social, mental, spiritual, and emotional self-care. Physical self-care is meeting your physical needs and refueling your body. This includes getting adequate sleep, eating a healthy diet, seeing your doctor regularly, and exercising. Socialization is the key to self-care because it’s easy to neglect your relationships when life gets busy. There is no perfect science to how many hours you should spend focused on your relationships, however, close connections are essential to our overall well-being. Mental self-care encompasses anything you do specifically to stimulate your mind. It is focused on understanding and building a loving relationship with your mind. Spiritual self-care includes activities to connect with nature and your soul. It helps you feel more grounded in your day-to-day life. Emotional self-care is our actions to connect with our emotions and healthily process them. When we engage in emotional self-care, we learn to give ourselves grace and develop healthy coping skills to increase happiness and well-being.    

Since April 5th is National Self-care Day, let’s focus on our individual needs and be kind to ourselves. Practicing self-care is not always easy. Whether it is time we have to take away from something else or we are not good at giving ourselves space, you are worth taking care of. Creating a self-care plan may be helpful. 

Develop a self-care plan. Assess areas of your life that could benefit from more attention/care. Reassess yourself and your life often, as your self-care plan should change when things change, too. Here is some help to get you started on your plan. 

Assess your needs. List the different parts of your daily life, including work, school, relationships, and family. 

Consider your stressors. Identify things that cause you stress and think of ways to address them. 

Think of self-care strategies. These can include setting boundaries, building healthy social connections, or doing things that evoke happiness within you. 

Plan for challenges. Where there is a plan, there are challenges. Remember to be realistic and add things you can do. Creating a plan for change doesn’t have to be perfect; it just has to work for you. 

Schedule a time to focus on your needs. Self-care should be a priority; when you care for all aspects of yourself, you’ll be able to operate and function effectively.              

Don’t forget to treat yourself! Do things that feel good for you. Put your phone on, do not disturb, decompress after a long day, eat your favorite food, or even buy yourself something. 

Traumatic Brain Injuries Awareness Month

Brain Injury Traumatic

March is Traumatic Brain Injury Awareness Month. Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) is an injury that affects the way the brain works, as it can cause physical, sensory, cognitive, and behavioral changes. TBIs are usually caused by a blow or jolt to the head or an object penetrating the brain tissue. Traumatic Brain Injuries are the largest cause of death from injury in the US. 

Mild traumatic brain injuries may only affect the brain cells temporarily, while more serious ones can result in brain bruising, torn tissue, bleeding, and physical damage to the brain, which can result in long-term complications or death. TBIs can have a range of physical and psychological effects on a person. While some signs and symptoms may show quickly after an injury, others may take days or weeks to appear. 

The symptoms of a traumatic brain injury vary by the severity of the injury. The physical symptoms can include the following: loss of consciousness, a headache that is persistent and/or worsening, nausea/vomiting that can be single or repeated, fatigue/drowsiness, inability to wake from sleep, problems with speech, dizziness, loss of balance or coordination and dilation of one or both pupils.  Sensory symptoms can include blurred vision, ringing in the ears, a bad taste in the mouth, or changes in the ability to smell and sensitivity to light and sound. Cognitive and behavioral symptoms are described as the loss of consciousness for a few seconds to a few minutes, no loss of consciousness, but a state of being dazed, confused or disoriented, memory or concentration problems, mood changes or mood swings, feeling depressed or anxiousness, profound confusion as well as agitation, and combativeness with others.  

March is the time to raise awareness around the fact that these injuries can lead to permanent changes in someone’s daily life and advocacy regarding brain injuries. During this month, we can read information on brain injuries and become familiar with policies regarding those who have experienced traumatic brain injuries. 

Ways To Celebrate Women

Celebrate woman history month international women's day

March is Women’s History Month, a time to celebrate the achievements of women, both past and present. This is a time to honor those women who inspire us, women who have shaped our progress and strengthened our characters.

As we look back on the past at all the amazing accomplishments of the women who came before us, we recognize there is still work to be done. Let’s take the time to check on the women in our lives. Women indeed lead busy and stressful lives, and often, we lack the energy to invest in ourselves. Too often, women feel guilty or even selfish, prioritizing themselves. In a time when societal pressures make women feel as though they must juggle so many responsibilities without complaining, women continue to feel ashamed about opening up regarding their struggles.   

We need to be part of the continued movement focusing on improving attitudes, accessibility, and conversations about mental health. Continue to nourish the important tools for empowering women and girls. Tools include education, training, raising awareness, building self-confidence, and mental health resources.  Let’s use our voices, platforms, and experiences to connect with other women and remind them that they are important and matter. 

Here are some ways to celebrate Women’s History Month:

Explore the history of women’s rights and be aware of the issues still faced by women. If you do not know the history of women’s rights, this month is the perfect time to learn. 

Post on social media and spread awareness of Women’s History Month. Share pictures, quotes, videos, and other women-centric content on your social media. 

Support a woman-owned business. Show your support to these leaders, entrepreneurs, and service providers.  

Write a thank you note to a woman that inspires you. Share your thoughts about how another woman has inspired you. Whether they supported you through a hard time or you admire certain qualities about them, showing gratitude is a meaningful gesture. 

Write a love letter to yourself. Women are too often our biggest critics. Take some time to celebrate yourself. 

Easing The Stress of Caring For Others

Caregiver

Happy National Caregivers Day! This is the day we honor all those who selflessly provide personal care and physical and emotional support to those they care for. One may care for their family, including children or other adult family members. It is estimated that, on average, caregivers spend six days a month completing tasks such as grooming, feeding, dressing, bathing, and walking, 13 days a month cleaning, shopping, doing laundry, and cooking, and 13 hours a month are spent coordinating appointments, after school activities and managing finances.

Caring for a loved one is stressful for even the most resilient person. Not everyone will experience the same level or intensity of stress, and the stress is natural. Feeling overwhelmed or stressed does not mean you are an inadequate caregiver; it just means you have a lot on your plate. Feelings of inadequacy, guilt, and defensiveness cause you to feel more stressed.

As a caregiver, you may be so focused on providing care to your loved one that you cannot see how your health and well-being are affected. What are some signs of caregiver stress? Maybe you are worrying a lot about everything, feeling burdened, tired, irritable, and/or sad, experiencing headaches, pains, or other medical issues, sleeping too much or not enough, gaining or losing weight, losing interest in things once enjoyable, and/or missing medical appointments for self. These symptoms resemble depressive and anxious symptoms.

Here are a few things you can do to ease the stress of caring for others.

Ask for help. Call your community and ask them to help out. Make a list of things someone else can take over to give you time for yourself.

Positive self-talk. We tend to be hard on ourselves and feel like we are not doing enough. Please remember that you are doing the best you can do right now.

Set goals that are reachable. Chunk the larger tasks into smaller steps that feel more manageable. Make lists and weigh the importance of each task. Try to follow a daily routine that will provide comfort and predictability.

Get connected. Explore and learn about caregiving resources in your area. You may find helpful resources like rides, meal delivery, or house cleaning.

Join a support group. This can help with the feelings of loneliness and feelings that no one else understands how it is to care for a loved one. Group members can cheer you on and help with the struggles you may be experiencing.

Stay connected. Things can get busy, and spending time with others may seem like it could be more challenging. However, for yourself, try to make time each week to visit with someone.

Take care of your health. Eat a healthy diet, drink plenty of water, find ways to sleep better, and do physical activity.

Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

teen dating violence

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. Why is this important? Because about 1in 3 high school students have been or will be involved in an abusive relationship​, 40% of teenage girls ages 14-17 say they know someone their age that has been hit or abused physically by their partner, ​1 in 5 or 20% of dating couples reports some violence in their relationship​ and approximately 1 in 3 high school and college students experience sexual, physical, verbal or emotional violence in a dating relationship.

Teen dating violence does follow most of the same trends as domestic violence. It brings unique challenges as teens are just learning and familiarizing themselves with relationships while preparing themselves for adulthood. During the teen years, teens are tasked with many things that can be hindered if they are in a relationship where there is violence. One of the essential things to achieve during adolescence is the acceptance of ourselves and our body image. This is hard to do when constantly receiving negative messages about their weight, appearance, dress, and intelligence. These messages are believed and can create self-hatred instead of self-love. During this time, teens are developing their values. However, when told what to do, how to think, and who to spend time with, the individual may extend into the person their partner wants them to be and not who they want to be. Preparing for the future is a critical task during adolescence. When in a relationship where violence is present, they may be prevented from pursuing interests outside the relationship. They may be pressured not to attend the college they have always wanted to attend or not to attend college at all. During the teen years, when they are establishing independence from their parents, this can cause forced dependency on their partner. This can make it more challenging to seek help from parents, especially when paired with the fact that their parents might want them to end the relationship if they knew it was abusive. 

Because teens have limited experience with relationships and do not always have the knowledge of healthy relationships, they are more vulnerable to finding themselves in abusive relationships. There are many parts in the ties that keep people in them. Jealousy is masked by love, and many teens may find it flattering when their partner displays jealousy. A common belief for teens is that they should never be in a violent relationship. The truth is that by the time the relationship gets overtly violent, there is already a solid emotional bond. The idea of “throwing away all the good parts of the relationship” based on “one small, isolated event” seems unreasonable and undesirable.

How can we do our part to shine a light on Teen Dating violence and spread the word this month as well as in the months that follow? Here are some ideas: wear orange, complete the respect challenge, and seek out information to share. 

 

Honoring This Black History Month

Black History Month

Black History Month is the annual celebration of Black Americans’ achievements and their central role in history. Black History Month was one week, held on the second week of February to coincide with the birthdays of Abraham Lincoln and Frederick Douglass. This was called “Negro History Week”. This week was established in 1926 and started by the historian Carter G. Woodson and the prominent minister Jesse E. Moorland.

In 1976, thanks in part to the civil rights movement, Negro History Week was proclaimed Black History Month by President Gerald Ford. He called upon the public to “seize the opportunity to honor the too-often neglected accomplishments of Black Americans in every endeavor throughout our history.” Since then, every president has officially designated February Black History Month. Other countries worldwide have designated months to celebrate Black history as well.

Today, Black History Month is a time to honor the contributions to history from activists, civil rights pioneers, and leaders in various areas such as politics, science, culture, and more. Expanding your education around these contributions and individuals impacting history is a great way to honor the month. If you want to learn more, visit a museum or read information.

 

Bringing Awareness to National Slavery & Human Trafficking Awareness Month

Human trafficking

January is National Slavery and Human Trafficking Awareness Month, which is focused on bringing awareness to and educating others on how to identify and prevent modern-day slavery and human trafficking, where people are sold for what they can provide. There are two primary forms of human trafficking: sex trafficking and labor trafficking. These are defined as the recruitment, harboring, transporting, obtaining, patronizing, or soliciting of an individual for commercial sex acts or involuntary servitude. Human trafficking includes the use of force, fraud, or coercion to compel an individual to engage in sex acts or labor. Coercion includes threats of physical harm, emotional distress, threats of harm to loved ones, as well as threats to cause damage to the individual’s reputation. 

Human trafficking is a nationwide epidemic. It happens in most countries and can occur both within the country and between other countries. Traffickers are usually someone the trafficked individual knows and trusts. What makes us vulnerable to trafficking is that trafficked individuals can be of any age, race, gender, sexual orientation, or socioeconomic background. 

January is the month dedicated to spreading the word about this global crisis. Here are some things you can do:  attend an event to support survivors, seek out information, and share it with others. Starting with an understanding of what human trafficking looks like is important and can potentially help others. 

If you are a victim of human trafficking and need help, or believe you know someone who is being trafficked, you can contact the National Human Trafficking Hotline at (888) 373-7888.

Gratitude Month

National Gratitude Month

November is Gratitude Month and the perfect time to express gratitude for everything and everyone around us. Gratitude can be defined as an affirmation of goodness, to acknowledge the good we encounter daily, even on those days that feel heavy and make it difficult to see the interest.

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Domestic Violence Myths

Domestic Violence

There are so many myths about domestic violence/intimate partner violence that many identify as truths. It is often believed that domestic violence is caused by substance use or even anger; it only happens in lower-income families. The person experiencing the violence is provoking the violence in some way or even likes the violence and that they are weak with low self-esteem. The truth is substance abuse and anger are not to blame. Many people who struggle with substances and anger do not use violence against their partner. This is simply an excuse for the behavior. Anyone can be affected regardless of their race, ethnicity, gender, sexuality, and socioeconomic status. No one likes to be on the receiving end of violence and cannot be blamed for other people’s reactions. While it is true that most individuals who experience violence have low self-esteem, the abuse brought them there. Many of the most vital individuals I know have experienced violence within their relationships.  

Before we go any further, to allow us to think about domestic violence more accurately, let’s start with a working definition. Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive, aggressive, coercive, and controlling behavior in a current or former romantic relationship or household that one person uses over another to gain power and control over the other person in the relationship.

These behavior patterns are intended to break their partner down and make it easier to control them. These behaviors can be subtle or overt and show up in different ways. They can be physical, described as causing or attempting to cause physical harm to their partner by hitting, kicking, spitting, or using any physical force. Emotional abuse happens when someone who uses violence constantly rejects their partner’s thoughts, ideas, and opinions, isolates them from others, and gaslights them. Gaslighting makes their partner doubt their feelings, thoughts, and sanity by manipulating the truth. Verbal abuse consists of yelling, name-calling, swearing at, insulting, or putting their partner down. Financial abuse happens when someone who uses violence controls the money and does not allow their partner access. They may provide an allowance. Sexual abuse also happens in relationships where violence is used. Sexual abuse is described as forcing or attempting to force a partner to take part in a sexual act, sexual touching, or non-physical sexual act such as sexting where there is no consent, cheating as revenge, forced sex with objects or with others. These behaviors usually follow a cycle.

The tactics used to gain power and control can change a person dramatically. People who experience violence in a relationship often feel confused, guilty, shameful, undesirable, helpless, hopeless, trapped, alone, and unable to trust themselves or others. They may blame themselves for the abuse, develop extreme dependence on their partner, question their memories and thoughts, become overly compliant with others, be hypervigilant, and avoid eye contact. They may become aggressive as a way to protect themselves from others and develop low self-image as well as low self-worth. They may have anxiety, fear, depressive symptoms, sleep disturbances, suicidal ideations, and attempts. Usually, people who experience violence do not escape without it affecting them in multiple ways.   

The cycle of violence is a place that is difficult for many to break out of. It is what gives many the hope that things will change. There are three identified phases in the cycle of violence: The honeymoon phase, the tension-building phase, and the explosive phase.  In the honeymoon phase, the person who uses violence presents their best self. They are sweet, kind, caring, loving and considerate. The tension-building stage is when the person experiencing the violence feels like they are walking on eggshells around their partner. Their partner might start to call them names and make negative comments; there may be threats or intimidation, fear, pushing, and misplaced guilt. The explosive phase is when the violence is at its worst, which will look different for each relationship. This is where the most violent behaviors occur. Then we re-enter the honeymoon phase where the person who uses violence is apologetic, buying gifts, and becoming the sweet, kind, caring, loving, and considerate person once again. And the cycle continues.  

The cycle of abuse is why people stay in abusive relationships. It is important to remember that relationships where abuse is present are not always violent. Between the abuse are times of happiness, love, and good memories. These moments are where hope and passion live. I hope the abuse will end and their partner will stay that person who shows them love and kindness. Many other pieces of the puzzle keep people in relationships that house violence. Sometimes, the violence is normalized. Violence may be all around, present in previous relationships, and may have been seen growing up in adult relationships. There may be differing ideas about what constitutes abuse. Some may believe only physical violence is abuse, and emotional or verbal abuse does not count as violence. Family may be another piece—pressure from family to stay in the relationship. Kids may be a factor as well. Some believe raising the kids in a two-parent household is better than one parent, even if abuse happens in the home. The person experiencing the abuse may be financially dependent on their partner, making leaving even more difficult. And then there is fear, a big piece of why people stay. Fear for their physical safety, their children, the unknown, and starting over. Fear that they do not know what they are thinking or doing if they are not around their parents. Many believe if they leave the relationship, the abuse will end. However, statically, when someone goes into an abusive relationship, they are 8x more likely to be killed by their partner. Fear can motivate or paralyze us, depending on our situation.  

As mentioned, domestic violence/intimate partner violence can happen to anyone. On a national level, millions of people in the US are affected each year. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced violence within a relationship in their lifetime. Those who experience violence in their relationship lose 8.0 million days of paid work each year. Between 21-60% lose their jobs due to reasons stemming from being in an abusive relationship. Intimate partner violence accounts for 20% of all violent crimes. The state of Massachusetts declared domestic violence a public health emergency in 2008. In 2019, Massachusetts reported 28 homicides due to domestic violence. These statistics show that domestic violence/intimate partner violence lives around us and is not secluded to just one population.  

Domestic violence/intimate partner violence is a confusing and damaging experience that no one should undergo in their lifetime. As October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we can raise awareness by simply talking about the issue; we can provide a safe place for someone experiencing abuse, attend events within the community, and reach out for support. There is support if you or someone you love is experiencing domestic violence/intimate partner violence. Please get in touch with the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-977-SAFE (7233) or visit their website at www.TheHotline.org.

 

References:

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (2020). Domestic violence. Retrieved from: domestic_violence-2020080709350855.pdf (speakcdn.com)

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (2020). Domestic violence in Massachusetts. Retrieved from: ncadv_massachusetts_fact_sheet_2020.pdf (speakcdn.com)